Monday, March 14

Addiction

My name is Jo and I'm a workaholic and a C.S.I.-holic.

No I am not about to gush over the famed TV show. (done that already in a previous post) It's just that yes, i have been quite hooked on the stuff of late.

How I was able to recognize it as an addiction? Simple. I'd rather watch it than sleep.

And almost everyone knows how much i love sleeping.

* * *

Someone once said that i work myself to the ground. No, let me rephrase that. He said that i was just too stubborn to break the habit of working myself to the ground. A habit i formed to distract myself from all the sh*t that has been happening to me. that i'd rather be too bone-weary to care about my troubles.

no use denying it. i just find it funny that i had to hear it from that particular person. him being the reason why i'd rather be busy and not think than be still and wallow to no end.

cosmic joke it seems.

* * *

it doesn't take rocket science to figure out why some people turn to their vices. distraction. pathetic excuse i know but that's it really. People want to be distracted. To stave off, even for a little while, the hideous truth of their present.

To trick themselves to forget, even for an hour or for 8... forget the pain, the memory, the truth. Who knows.

The danger lies when people spend more time in the world created by the pleasure they get from their vices rather than live in the so-called realm of their respective lives.

i'll try to keep reminding myself that eventually i'd have to face my fears. but for now, i'd rather turn on the TV and watch some fictional team solve the problems brought about by other people's sins or spend hours writing and designing stuff on the PC.

for now i just want to be... distracted. i want to forget.

till the time comes when i can look back and not remember how it feels to be broken like this.

Monday, March 7

Three Words

Two people.

Three words.

Well, actually two. (remove the "i")

Two people have told me today that they loved me.

Felt good.

Felt damn good.

don't you just love friendship?

yes, it's a friendship thing. don't look so surprised.

if it were a romantic development, then be assured dear readers that my blog would be bursting at the seams with it.

but at the moment it isn't so that's that.

but i must admit that i do miss the other version of it though. among other things.

Sunday, March 6

Exit to my so-called Eden

Club Paradise—what a wonderfully apt name :) Posted by Hello


So here i am, halfway between apprehensive that i might not be able to leave next week, and mostly excited that i actually am leaving. If that didn't make sense then that's EXACTLY how i feel. i'm just a jumble of emotions right now.

Anyway, i was supposed to visit Palawan last December to review the resort among other things for a magazine. However, plans were changed last minute and that left me grumbling most of the holidays. Sort of.

The people behind the sponsored trip wanted to reschedule for March. Good Lord, i wondered, March?!? That's roughly almost 3 freaking months away! Nonetheless, the client had their way and i had no choice but to comply and wait it out a bit more. So i kissed my visions of sunny sand and glorious beach goodbye for the moment.

Then, i got busy. Then i got projects to handle and people to see. Yes, suddenly my day to day life was full of activity and before you know it, it's March.

Now i'm just days away from experiencing Paradise. Pun definitely intended.

Funny enough, i learned something from the experience. God knows why by some force of nature or by some fickle mind our December trip was postponed. Of course when i got wind of the delay, i couldn't understand a damn thing why it had to be that way. After much frustration, i can't say i let it go out of my own volition... i probably just forgot to be bothered by it. Stress does that to a person.

And now i've got 4 days left before i finally set foot on Palawan shores again (after 10 years. my last trip being in 1995, i was on a Mission trip for the Youth For Christ ministry. Ok now don't act so surprised.)

Maybe the planets are aligned, maybe we finally got the timing right, or at the risk of using this cheesy cliché, maybe it's meant to be because here i am. It's just around the corner. About to happen.

Doesn't it seem like some things don't happen in your life because the timing's all wrong, because for whatever reason there is, it's just not meant to happen at that very moment? And then you feel bad when it doesn't and you finally throw the proverbial towel in the bucket and walk away.

Then after some time, the thing you've given up on finally resurfaces. Suddenly it's an option again. It's just there, waiting, no, begging to be chosen.

A friend told me two weeks ago to not close my doors to possibility. That we can never really tell how things will work themselves out in the end. That even if we try to predict the future or at least make assumptions on how it's all supposed to fall into place, we never really know until it happens. So it's best to keep an open mind.

And heart.

Pretty much gave up on this Palawan trip. And now i'm four days away from flying there. This semi-phenomena gave me something to look forward to... in my life i mean, and not just getting a tan or getting much needed R and R, as well as make me realize a few things: timing is everything, and

Hope springs eternal.