Thursday, November 3

on my knees

very few things... very few people could break my heart so easily. that could cause me such blinding pain that i wish i would just shrivel up and die. very few.

all i ever wanted from him was the truth. no matter how painful.

but then he'd always say,

"why should i explain myself to you?"

i know now why i want to leave, to be far away from here

he won't be able to hurt me there.

* * *
at the end of the day
all i really wanted was
for something to work out this time.
something that would mean forever.
don't i deserve that?
judging from all those who had me, discarded me and chose someone else to spend the rest of their lives with or at least most of their time with
apparently not.

* * *

my mom once said to me
"men can come and go in your life, breaking your heart over and over again
but your family will always be here to love you no matter what."

i want to go home.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

From what you wrote may I humbly say that I commiserate with what you're going through. I know it may sound kinda hackneyed and all but, as they say, "you're not the only one." To prove it, I can state that there was also someone in my life I wanted to be with forever but, alas... That special someone had somebody else in mind and at heart. It was, to say the very least, a "mega-downer(?)" as you Americans would say, so yes, I do know what you're going through. Ah, it was oh so long ago but it only seemed like yesterday when I made my heart known, only to have it broken...

Such callousness! I can't believe that someone could treat you in such a manner! Why do you even allow yourself to be treated as such? But, then again, there are many such cads and filth in this life and well am I familiar with their ilk, to my sorrow. For the nonce, other lesser creatures may choose to treat you with such bad grace but this does not mean that you should accept such treatment, nor should one such as you allow it!

My dear, let me state, for the record, that not all men are such callous cads after only one thing. I have had the distinct pleasure of meeting such fine gentlemen in my life from whom I have learned much and from whose kind words I managed to enrich my life. I am quite sure that you also have encountered such fine examples of men before. Just remember not to close your doors to all the possibilities. Who knows, you may have met him already and never even realized it yet!

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